you've got to change your evil ways, baby.

CURRENTS: listening to Pandora radio and organizing my life. I don't know why I like organizing stuff so much. It's so relaxing though.

This weekend I finished my very first stencil.

In my opinion, it's very amateur, but it's my first so I get a free pass. Plus, canvas isn't really the ideal medium for cheap watery spray paint. His nose should have been a darker blue, instead of that aqua I used to accent the piece. I learned a lot while making this J Dilla stencil and I feel like there's definitely a lot of room for improvement, which excites me. I can't wait to start my new project! And thanks to Shaun I can work on them easily with the use of my new drafting table :) I just wish I can get my hands on some Montana Gold's. eh. Maybe after i pay my Christmas bills.

Speaking of Christmas, I had a pretty fun Christmas eve! I'm usually not all that stoked for Christmas since my brother is in the army and my mama had to work, but I spent X-mas eve at Shaun's family's house and had a blast. We played beer pong in the living room, and I kicked ass. Was pretty stoked about that until I had to take family pictures. While super buzzed. Not excited to see those pictures. and do you wanna guess what RJ's mom gave me? A massager. HAHAHAAH.

Oh, it's that time of year again. When the presents have been opened and the bottom of the tree is bare. When the Christmas spirit has been rung out of you and Jingle Bells starts to get annoying after the 23423th time. When the guilt from eating that third serving of ham (in my case, tofurkey?) weighs as heavy as the bottom of your stomach. It's new years resolution time! I'm keeping them semi-small this year, so I don't get disappointed that I don't win the Nobel Peace Prize or whatever ridiculous resolution I usually think of.

1. Learn to forgive & forget. Life is short. People change.
2. STOP SMOKING for a month. So I can whiten my teeth and so my throat and nose can recover. We'll see how this one pulls through after Ensenada, Vegas, and big bear ha!
3. Chill. I'm too hard on myself. I have to learn to accept the curves of life.
4. Get straight A's. Hell, with working only three days a week I better get straight A's!
5. Beat my three mile time.
6. Think before I speak. I curse frequently. I'm impulsive. I'm a firecracker with a short fuse. I'm sarcastic and sometimes pessimistic. Not quite sure when I picked these traits up but they're not qualities I'm proud of.
7. Let people in. I make friends quick but not many know who I really am.
8. Forgive my mama. I blame her for a lot of things, and it's time to stop being a victim of circumstance and start fixing my life.
9. Redecorate my room. Just got a drafting table which = redecorating time! :)
10. Gain 5 pounds of muscle weight. Cardio to gain a butt, tone legs, and remove excess chubbs, and weights to get toned. Summer, here I come!

'tis all for now. ta ta.

xx, loveLC

tis the season!

Finally, that time of year! Finals are arriving, siblings are on Christmas vacay (a good AND a bad thing), lights on every house guide your way home at night, and sweaters, scarfs, beanies galore! Tis the season! I can't wait for winter break! No more driving from school to work to school to study sesh twice a week! And time off means I get to make a list of things to accomplish in the next glorious three weeks. Got to make it count, 'cause I already know it's going to pass too soon.

1. Gain five pounds of muscle weight. so i should end up around 113-115.
2. Finish at least half of my projects (that's two out of four, and I've already started crackin on one)
3. Re-connect with friends. How I've missed you all ;(
4. Finish @ least one of the novels collecting dust on my nightstand. maybe two, if im lucky.
5. Complete my drawings for my "trip" heh. heh. hehhehehhehehe.

I'll post more as soon as I can think of them. Nite!

xx, loveLC

From the poor hungry college students kitchen..

Ritz crackers with cream cheese?! Am I the first to discover this amazing treat? This furthers my belief in the ying & yang because out of poverty and desperation I've discovered something finger lickin good. Okay, it's not the most nutritious meal in the world. And yes, eating more than a dozen will make you slightly woozy. No, it won't solve world hunger or even explain to me why I have so much cream cheese at my house. But it's a great, cheap two minute snack while studying. My favorites: ritz with whipped cream cheese and tapatio, and ritz w/ strawberry cream cheese. Yummmmz. You're welcome.

xx, loveLC

My christmas list!

OKAY. I know it's early, but I always loved planning ahead :) I've started my shopping early so everyone should as well haha.

1. a cute backpack
2. a kindle! oh please oh please oh please santa! ahahha
3. disneyland pass
4. a cute bike!
5. acrylic paints. i have a certain project for a certain someone i need to finish. sorry babe ;)
6. Grey's Anatomy box set! I need to catch up! :)
7. a freaking tamborine!
8. crest whitestrips. cause what's a better christmas gift than a sparkling white smile? ;D
9. "Guts", "Choke", or "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk
10. a pretty fish for my aquarium
11. a nice rug for my room
12. a cigarette case.
13. mattress pad. i have the most uncomfortable bed.

On reaching the horizon...

A cigarette to calm my nerves. A million people have been in my position but I can't find one I can confide in. I can feel the tide turning and I'm trying my best not to drown in the surf. I've been the architect of my own boundless ship, meticulously building and re-building until the structure is just right. Two paths await me.

My stomach is churning..

i'm a major changer

About three years ago, when most people my age were picking out their classes, I was busy picking out my roommates. When my peers were writing essays, I was paying the bills. When my peers were gaining their "freshman fifteen", I had to worry about putting food on the table for me and my brothers. While my high school class was focused on school and enjoying the spoils of their new college life, I had to play mom. So school naturally took a backseat. I never got the opportunity to fully experience college life. I missed out. The all nighters, study groups, orientations, internships, volunteer work, clubs, etc. As daunting as these activities may be, I feel like was robbed of a part of my life. Do I resent the circumstances which lead me down this path? Very much so. But I'll save that for another blog post.

A little down the line, things got better and little by little and the weight was slowly lifted off my shoulders. I found it hard to get back on the school grind. It was never my priority and call me spoiled, but the taste of adult life and the freedom associated with it was so satisfying to me.

So I overindulged. And it's difficult for me to admit this, but it's easy to ignore school when it never was your priority in the first place. Now that I'm getting older (I'm turning 22 next year, WTF) I'm beginning to wonder where I'm going in life. I've had about 50 freak outs and changed my major at least four or five times. I couldn't decide on my future because EVERYTHING interested me. So FML.

Hopefully this will be the last time I change my major and I'll be set in the right direction. Since I've graduated high school, I've followed so many paths. I am now partially trained in piano, french, bio/marine bio, fashion design and journalism. So I suppose I didn't waste too much time in community college. Now I've got an artillery of skills just in case the economy never picks up and I can't find a job :)

I want a normal life. I want school to be my priority. I want to go to an amazing school and I want to be able to travel and buy my own house. I want to be able to support my kids through college so they don't have to go trough the crap I went though. I want to be the first in my family to graduate and get a degree.

I just re-read this and I have no idea where I'm going with this. Sorry for the shitty post. Goodnight <3

xoxo, loveLC

call it dumb, call it luck, call it love or whatever you call it but everywhere i go i keep his picture in my wallet like here..

This was the beginning. In the beginning there were no expectations, no rules, no habits. It was spontaneous, new, exciting. It was mutual. No expectations. Not knowing what was next was so thrilling to me. He fit my life perfectly, and my life was the epitome of uncertainty and impulsiveness. All I knew was that I liked him, and whatever is meant to be would be.

I've been sitting here for a good thirty minutes, writing and editing the perfect blog entry for today. I wrote about our future, I wrote about my love for him, I wrote funny anecdotes, experiences, dreams, fights, and various lessons I've learned. And I realized no pointless blog entry can summarize it. I love Shaun Pamintuan. And thanks to immense amounts of PDA everyone knows it. End of story.

xx, loveLC

"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry. He’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy who is perfect for you." — Bob Marley

welcome to rehab.

Lately my mind has been on constant ADD mode and I can't seem to focus on one thing long enough to fully understand or enjoy it. After searching long and hard for the source of this problem I've realized that the cause of my ADD is MY STUPID PHONE. Sheessh. If I ever thought getting an iPhone would lead me down this path, I would have stuck to my simple, lovable sony ericsson. I can't even enjoy even a nice fall breeze without hopping on my phone and telling everyone on FB and twitter. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my iPhone. Are you kidding me? Text messages, emails, GPS, contacts, music, internet, calendar, notes, facebook, aim, youtube, twitter & more? I could stay on my phone for hours. & I'll admit it. I'm an internet junkie. But I digress.

I have to recognize the difference between convenience and dependence. What is it about twitter and FB and AIM that I love so much? Status updates? Instant acknowledgement of my every thought? Maybe it's being able to keep up with everyone without actually being able to talk to them (thanks a lot school & work). Maybe it's a feeling of self importance. Maybe it's a little of everything. I just know I don't like being that person. That person who is always on their phone and fails to interact with what is actually going on around them. I want to enjoy my life.

It's all about perspective.

I remember the days when I had to wait until I got home to check my messages. When I made plans with friends wayyyyy ahead of time, because once I was out of the house no one can get in touch with me to meet up. When I checked my email only once a day because each of us was allowed only an hour on the computer. When I was able to have a nice long conversation with a friend to catch up, because he/she sincerely didn't know what I''ve been up to b/c he/she was not following me on twitter. The nice days when I actually enjoyed the company I was with, instead of seeing what everyone else was up to. Shit, does anyone still remember the slight nervousness you get when asking for someone's number? That's gone. Thanks to friend requests. We're all losing our social skills/graces.

My priorities first.

I barely get to see my friends. And when I do, I want to give them my undivided attention. Ever notice that one person in your group who's eyes are glued to their phone screen? That's not me (anymore!). I don't care if you know what I'm doing or not, because if you really cared, you'd pick up the phone to call.

No more fake relationships, no more twittering while driving home, no more hours on FB, no more procrastinating before doing homework. I'm taking it back. Internet. Once a day. Byeeeee worllddddd!

xx, loveLC

for the night.

I sit here at night, this dark melancholy state, I'm surrounded by Atmosphere which consumes me. It's late. I write sad stories about love lost and love which never falters. With my whiskey I commiserate..

I smoke a million last cigarettes while you're running marathons in my head, I'm still trying to catch my breath.

"go to sleep my little time bomb.."

xx, loveLC

comin home.

"I've seen a palace in London, I've seen a castle in Wales
but I'd rather wake up beside you and breathe that ol' familiar smell
I never thought you could leave me, I figured I was the one
but I understand your sadness so I guess I should just hold my tongue.

I know that we're taking chances. You told me life was a risk."

Days like these, I just want to close my shutters and listen to music all day long. But I can't do that to myself. Each moment is a struggle, but every breath takes me closer to who I used to be. No sleep for me tonight. It's so hard to wake up alone.

It's been so long. I wonder if I'll ever find her again.

xx, < / 3 LC

yeesh.

I'm turning into a paranoid mess. I need to cut back on the drugs and scary movies.

xx, loveLC

ill be seeing you in all the old familiar places

"People keep telling me that I fall in love too easily- that I should protect my heart, that I shouldn’t wear my heart on my sleeve… I fall in love at least 20 times a day. I fall in love with the sky and the sun and the flowers and my children. I fall in love with smiles, with music on the radio and with french fries and Dr. Pepper. I fall in love with the sound of laughter, blue jeans, accents… Sometimes I fall in love with complete strangers, especially the ones holding hands and kissing in public. The ones who aren’t afraid to be in love with the idea of being in love either. I don’t mind the pain of unrequited love so much, because I think they’re wrong. Love looks good on me"

-Natalie Anne Erlanson

everytime I look into your eyes i see the future.

I love the first day of school. I love the opportunity & sense of ambition it brings. No matter how you did in previous semesters, the chance to show your potential is renewed. The best part though, the cherry on the cake, is meeting the new people. If I had to pick a reason to love school, it has to be meeting new people. Sure, most come and go, but what you learn about people is worth the loss, especially coming from a background where I raised myself. I'm not looking for sympathy. It's an advantage for me, really. I have the ability to learn from different cultures and backgrounds, and decide for myself what's right and wrong, and which path I should take. Being in school for so long is no longer a hindrance for me, because with every semester I learn so much, not just academically. I'm confident that when I'm ready, I'll get into a great school. In the meantime, I'll live for the now.

The weekend before school started, standing in line for the bathroom.



SOULjahs. We're just too much sometimes ;)

xx

loveLC

Embellished with talent & the wisdom not abuse it. Blessed with insight, friends and affluences..

I'm tired of waking up to long to-do lists. My life is an endless manifest of things that are expected of me. It's not clear yet if my mom moving back has made a positive impact in my life. Anything left unfinished in this house is now becomes a responsibility of of mine.

I'm coming home.

My dad sent me a birthday card today, along with a matching necklace and earring set in a style I haven't been interested in since sixth grade. It was a sweet gesture though. It made me feel bad, because it's evident he's trying so hard to stay a part of my life, even though I haven't written to him in ages. It's not that I have a lack of interest in how he's doing, or hold some sort of resentment for him because everything that has happened is now the past. I've just been so busy with work and school and trying to be a good sister and girlfriend and friend that I hardly have time for myself anymore. Everything I do, I do for everyone else. I don't choose to work so much so that I can have money in the bank, and it's evident because I'm still broke. I work so much so that my little brother can have money, so I can help my mother with bills, so I can take care of myself without having to ask for anything from anyone. It's a different kind of independence. I'm just trying to make everyone proud. But I'm too busy trying to make everyone proud that I have no time for everyone.

I ditched my plans today to take a little time to write to my father. I picked out some pictures to send to him and even bought a few books to send him so he's not too bored out there. I miss my dad. And my brother. I wish everyone would come home.

I've got a couple new goals. Hopefully if things go okay, I'll be on my way to France to study abroad by summer 2009. It's something I don't want to miss out on while I'm still in college so I'm pretty excited. By September I'll probably volunteer for the Nike Human Race and by next year I'm hoping to run my own 10k. I would start training now but since I'm turning 21 soon, waking up at 6am to run a few miles is unspeakable for obvious reasons.

I'm going to be more honest about my vegetarianism. Okay, I'll admit it. I haven't been 100% faithful(like you didn't see that coming) but I'm trying my best. I've been eating a lot of seafood which is ironic because I think overfishing is a bigger problem. But damn. Those Koreans and their BBQ - droolsssssss.

xx, loveLC

just to get by.

Thank goodness school is back in session. I'm starting to feel a bit of normalcy again. A lot of events coming up, including Vegas this month (twice!). Excited? You bet your ass.

A couple vinyls' I'm hoping will come into my possession in the near future:

Daft Punk - Around the World LP
Michael Jackson - THRILLER; these go for about 100 bones on craigslist/ebay. FML x2
ANYTHING by the Sound Providers. I've heard all but two songs. I'm hooked.
Feist - Open Season; only because I'm dying to hear the One Room One Hour remix of Gatekeeper on vinyl (drool)
Anything by the Strokes, The Shins, Ratatat, RATM, Mylo, Metric, and the YYY's; just because it'd be great to have ;)

xx,
loveLC

"This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new
I jumped up
Feeling my highs and my lows
In my soul, and my goal
Is just to stop smokin, and stop drinkin
And I've been thinkin - I've got my reasons
Just to get by."

-Kweli

RIP

I guess I'm a litte late to the party, but this is my official blog on the life and death of Michael Jackson.

Whether you loved him or you hated him, no one can honestly say they weren't emotionally affected by his death.

I remember sitting in Yogurtland when I heard the news. I thought it was a joke. I remember walking aimlessly through the mall, wondering what a coincidence it was that every store was playing Michael Jackson or the Jackson 5. I shrugged it off, embracing the fact that there was actually music playing that I enjoyed. Then the texts came in. And the radio tributes. And if word of mouth wasn't enough, then came the news articles. I still couldn't believe it. I couldn't comprehend that something that was so engrained into my life, my childhood, my culture, was gone. I guess I never expected him to die. I always assumed he'd be there and never disappear, like trees, air or an appendage. I felt he'd live longer than me, like he was immortal. I was never so disturbed to hear of a celebrity's death.

It's because Michael Jackson was more than a celebrity. He was like a deity. When I say everyone was into Michael Jackson, I mean EVERYONE was into Michael Jackson. He broke barriers of age, race, class and musical genres. Everyone loved him, not just the country, but the whole world.

He was a musical trailblazer. You try and tell me that Thriller still doesn't give you chills. That album alone sold 100 million records. 100 MILLION. NO ARTIST dead or alive comes close to that. He was one of the best things to come out of America. Something we could really be proud of (take that, Europe!).

RIP Kinp of Pop

xx
lovelc

fml forwards and backwards.

TRV$&DJAM has just been added to the line-up at Weenie Roast. The one event I voluntarily choose to miss. I knew I should have bought tickets.

I like to dance all night, summons the day. But that's how I play.

Alot of things on my mind this week. I'm thinking about quitting a certain 'hobby' of mine, for many reasons. One of which is for my loved ones. My mood has fluctuated from the highest high to the lowest low in a span of two days. No bueno.  I'm also seriously thinking about becoming a vegan, for religious reasons. It's going to be hard, I can already see myself on a late Saturday night munching away on brown bagged boiled broccoli while my friends eat Taco Bell so satisfy their drunken bellies.

I've recently been listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs a lot lately. After seeing them at Coachella, I fell in love again. Everyone needs to see the YYY's perform live before they die. Karen O is amazing. Her voice is so entrancing and sends your soul convulsions. Everytime I hear 'Zero' I get chills. She's a great role model. She's strong and confident, but not in the obnoxious type of way like Beyonce in that one video where she thinks she's a hustler/baller staus. 

The video that started it all:

peacesqueezy

-LC

I'm sinking like a stone in the sea.

I'm stressed out. I want to vent but the thoughts won't transform into words.

You just got off work, huh?

Another night feeling like the worst one.
You didn't even count your tips yet,
But you can tell that it ain't no big step.
I don't see why you so nice to customers
They're all fucks and low lives.
But don't fight, just keep the lip stiff
And get that money it's the weekend shift.
But why they all gotta be freaks.
Wish they would just eat and leave.
And keep they eyes to theyselves, already insecure, don't need any help.
But you can blame the pride that makes you hold your anger inside,
But deep down you wanna curse them all.
Fuck off asshole jerk off dirt ball.

You love the people that love you.
You hear the music they move to.
You give your ode to the fall through.
But you don't know you don't know you don't know you don't know.
You love the people that love you.

Now attitude check,
Still show up? You haven't quit yet?
And even when your meat gets sweet
They still treat you like a piece of meat. Huh.
Outrageous, each day this clock tick tock and you still a waitress.
Trying to pay them student loans
And the lights and the phone and the food and the home.
And you ain't quite broke but you couldn't afford that place on your own.
Gotta roommate, to split the rent with
Now you never feel independent.
And everything seems so hallow
Cause after work, where'd that smile go?
Better bring it back tomorrow.

-Atmosphere

Daylight, new day leaks through the window.

David Belle is my newest hero. A french stuntman and actor, he is trained in gymnastics, martial arts, and climbing. He's also credited for founding parkour, or the art of movement. It's an intense discipline, like an urban type of martial art. It's about conditioning and controlling your body and expressing yourself. And it takes a lot of balls. Check the vid:

I want to try it one day. I've yet to see a female in any of these videos, but I'll try anything once. Vagina trumps penis anyway.

Kacey is the cutest new bride to be ever:

Yes, that's a bag from condom revolution. Yes, Kacey did get lingerie and a bottle filled with some type of liquid. Yes, Kacey was surrounded by her and JJ's strict mormon grandma's, aunts, sisters and law's, etc. 

We love you Kacey ;)

Balloons or no balloons.

"It's time to forget the past and just learn to love what I have. 

Cause I love waking up to your laugh. "  - The Format

Anticipation has the habit to set you up.

Me and the l'Shaun saw Watchmen at Irvine Spectrum last night. It wasn't everything I expected it to be, based on what I saw in the previews, but I guess it's all a matter of perspective. The script could have been shorter and listening to the characters babble on and on made me want to stick bamboo shoots under my fingernails to keep consciousness. Seven stars, but it gets an extra star for playing Jimi Hendrix halfway through the movie :)

In other news:

My first step towards redemption.

-LC

Lazy days in Los Angeles

ENDURANCE

 

School is getting exceedingly difficult, and I lately I've been taking really long naps, although not on purpose. I finally quit smoking (yaay!), but I tend to indulge in a stog or two when I'm drinking. I've been feeling burnt out lately, like my time is not mine, but rather saved for work, school, training, etc. I need to take time for myself, I hate feeling like a rat in a maze. The reward is cheese but the cheese is bleu. 

A couple goals:

1. Run at least four times a week, running an extra mile every two weeks. Mission Coachella Body!

2. Find a new place to meditate, since my backyard feels empty, hollow and lifeless since I gave Sam away. I don't feel anything back there anymore.

3. Finish all my reading for all my classes. 

4. Make more money at work every night so I can afford to take more days off. Which probably means begging for closing shifts. Ughhhhhh.

5. BeProductiveBeProductiveBeProductive. Procrastination is my worst enemy. I need someone to motivate me. I need to motivate myself. 

6. Start saving for my piano, which means cutting back on useless stuff like clubbing and shopping. $600 to go. 

I'm pretty excited for this next week. Shwayze, LMFAO, and The Knux (yesss I get to see Amillio! ;] ) and then HARD. Oh and I cut my hair. Off. All of it. Think Halle Berry or Rihanna. Picutre updates sooooon.<3

-LC

So This Is The New Year.

So far, so good. The new year brings great promise, a new sense of motivation, new friends, new goals and a new boy who perfectly accompanies all of this.

Shaaan. He has the amazing ability to put a smile on my face. I'm looking forward to the future, and I'm glad I'll be spending this year (and hopefully many more!) with him. We'll paint each others lemons gold. Kiiiiiiiiiiiii bb! Happy one month. 

Profit$

Apparently, 103.1 FM has turned into some mexican broadcasting company, and I can't find where Indie has relocated. The only way I can get my Indie 103.1FM fix now is through podcasts.  -_- 

So, one morning while frantically looking for something stimulating on the radio to listen to, I came across an interesting story. Everyone has seen this iconic poster:

Well apparently, artist Shepard Fairey 'stole' the image of Obama from AP Magazine, and now AP is coming after him for some compensation monnaaaaaayysss$s$$ss. Perfect, considering Fairey is probably making thousands of dolllars selling shirts and autographed posters. Ha, fuck AP. Read more about it here.

Oxymoron

I'm intolerant of intolerant ass mo'fuckers. You're not perfect, I am not perfect. So who has the right to criticize the way people live, think, the things they say, how they do things? No one. So if you feel like climbing up on your high horse and telling people that what they are doing is wrong, you better be some type of deity, God, or at least have an island full of native people which worship you, because no flesh and blood person on Earth has to right to judge. 

Don't live to tear others down, live to pull others up.

On a completely different note, I've been looking EVERYWHERE for a skinny gold belt. Anyone know where I can find one?

As fate would have it..

I'm going to miss Coachella for the second year in a row. I was really looking forward to an entire weekend of good fucking music accompanied by dehydration, sweating in every crevace possible, meeting strangers, singing along at the top of my lungs, bare skin, dirty toes, belligerent drunkeness, & getting lost in crowds and mosh pits.

Just my luck, I'm fiending for some new tunes and the crap they play on the radio nowadays could hardly be called music. Every song on my iTunes has been played over and over and "You Know What" kind of loses it's sparkle after hearing it for the 20th time.