From the poor hungry college students kitchen..

Ritz crackers with cream cheese?! Am I the first to discover this amazing treat? This furthers my belief in the ying & yang because out of poverty and desperation I've discovered something finger lickin good. Okay, it's not the most nutritious meal in the world. And yes, eating more than a dozen will make you slightly woozy. No, it won't solve world hunger or even explain to me why I have so much cream cheese at my house. But it's a great, cheap two minute snack while studying. My favorites: ritz with whipped cream cheese and tapatio, and ritz w/ strawberry cream cheese. Yummmmz. You're welcome.

xx, loveLC

My christmas list!

OKAY. I know it's early, but I always loved planning ahead :) I've started my shopping early so everyone should as well haha.

1. a cute backpack
2. a kindle! oh please oh please oh please santa! ahahha
3. disneyland pass
4. a cute bike!
5. acrylic paints. i have a certain project for a certain someone i need to finish. sorry babe ;)
6. Grey's Anatomy box set! I need to catch up! :)
7. a freaking tamborine!
8. crest whitestrips. cause what's a better christmas gift than a sparkling white smile? ;D
9. "Guts", "Choke", or "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk
10. a pretty fish for my aquarium
11. a nice rug for my room
12. a cigarette case.
13. mattress pad. i have the most uncomfortable bed.

On reaching the horizon...

A cigarette to calm my nerves. A million people have been in my position but I can't find one I can confide in. I can feel the tide turning and I'm trying my best not to drown in the surf. I've been the architect of my own boundless ship, meticulously building and re-building until the structure is just right. Two paths await me.

My stomach is churning..

i'm a major changer

About three years ago, when most people my age were picking out their classes, I was busy picking out my roommates. When my peers were writing essays, I was paying the bills. When my peers were gaining their "freshman fifteen", I had to worry about putting food on the table for me and my brothers. While my high school class was focused on school and enjoying the spoils of their new college life, I had to play mom. So school naturally took a backseat. I never got the opportunity to fully experience college life. I missed out. The all nighters, study groups, orientations, internships, volunteer work, clubs, etc. As daunting as these activities may be, I feel like was robbed of a part of my life. Do I resent the circumstances which lead me down this path? Very much so. But I'll save that for another blog post.

A little down the line, things got better and little by little and the weight was slowly lifted off my shoulders. I found it hard to get back on the school grind. It was never my priority and call me spoiled, but the taste of adult life and the freedom associated with it was so satisfying to me.

So I overindulged. And it's difficult for me to admit this, but it's easy to ignore school when it never was your priority in the first place. Now that I'm getting older (I'm turning 22 next year, WTF) I'm beginning to wonder where I'm going in life. I've had about 50 freak outs and changed my major at least four or five times. I couldn't decide on my future because EVERYTHING interested me. So FML.

Hopefully this will be the last time I change my major and I'll be set in the right direction. Since I've graduated high school, I've followed so many paths. I am now partially trained in piano, french, bio/marine bio, fashion design and journalism. So I suppose I didn't waste too much time in community college. Now I've got an artillery of skills just in case the economy never picks up and I can't find a job :)

I want a normal life. I want school to be my priority. I want to go to an amazing school and I want to be able to travel and buy my own house. I want to be able to support my kids through college so they don't have to go trough the crap I went though. I want to be the first in my family to graduate and get a degree.

I just re-read this and I have no idea where I'm going with this. Sorry for the shitty post. Goodnight <3

xoxo, loveLC