pursuit of happiness

It is a privilege to dream for it is a great risk to live. One may live his or her life asleep, forever dreaming, but those who live their lives awake have much to lose. But an even greater award in which they seek.

Life is a matter of being awake or being asleep.

xx, loveLC

P.S. I need suggestions. chemyst or vox?

this sucks.

"Maybe then I could sleep at night
I wouldn't lie awake until the morning light
This is something that I'll never control
My nerves will be the death of me, I know

So here's to living life miserable
And here's to all the lonely stories that I've told

No longer holding on to all the things that cloud my mind. Maybe then the weight of the world wouldn't seem so heavy. But then again, ill probably always feel this way."

-Dallas Green

I've been let down more than a couple of times by the select few I allow to cross that fine line. My heart is heavy.

xx, loveLC

now in my younger days i used to sport a shagggg

IF I ever had the possibility to be reborn into another body, I'd go again as the dopest Ethiopian (five points if you get the reference) just so I can have hair like THIS:

Naturally big and curly hair. I die.

xx, loveLC

spill it out to the ragged floor

As I was getting on the 5 freeway this morning I stopped at a light and saw a man standing there with a ragged piece of cardboard, accessorized with a beanie and long beard. I was shocked to see how young he was, probably about my age. I found his dreads amusing so reached into my wallet and saw that I had only five dollar bills. & I hesitated.

I was reluctant to give the guy five bucks. Although it seemed like a lot to me, it would have definitely seem like a million bucks to him. I guess it was just a trust thing, I mean, how could I know that this guy was actually in need and not a professional panhandler? I try my best to give back to the world, and not only to my friends and family but to the community, because what good is living if you only live for yourself? But I also think it's unfair for people to become professional panhandlers and make money off of people's good will. & it's a popular thought to see homeless or needy people in the negative, but what about those who have an addiction or mental disorder? It must suck to know the whole world has forgotten about you. Gahhhh dilemma dilemma..

In the end, I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt and gave him five bucks and a granola bar. It's not much but it's a lot coming from a student. Maybe someday when I make millions of dollars a year (sike) I can afford to give more but it would probably go to an organization, where I know my money will be handled responsibly. I hope one day the attitudes towards those less fortunate will change, but for now I'll just keep handing out granola bars.

c/o meek

xx, loveLC

paint that shit gold

Man, recession is a tough bitch. She's biased and shows no mercy. I've seen the worst of it, I've had my fair share of struggle. And I'm not just talking about struggling to live comfortably, but about struggling to pay bills and keep the electricity on and feed my little brother. I lived with that burden for a year and I think I may have to do it again. My mom wants to move the fams into a cozy apartment in Santa Ana, to save money. The problem is, I don't do cozy. And I don't do Santa Ana. Neither does my little brother.

Moving out wasn't the issue, it wasn't even a question. I was excited about the concept. And being a planner, I got more excited when I slowly realized that I could make it work, completely on my own. Fck, I've been paying so many bills around here that it pretty much adds up to the rent of a cute studio apartment anyway. Except this time it would be MINE. My furniture, my extravagantly painted walls, my dishes, my rug, my pictures lining the walls ceiling to floor. Call me selfish, but it would be nice to actually pay rent and utilities for something that was completely my own. I was more than excited. I was drooling.

But alas, there's always a catch. Where would little brother go?

I remember my 8th grade graduation. I remember how hard I cried at graduation, knowing that I was moving out of L.A. and into some God-forsaken city. Bellflower. wtf. None of my friends even knew where the fuck that was. I had to leave this lustrous city, full of characters and culture and life and move into the suburbs? Fuck that. I started thinking about how my brother would have to go to a new school for his senior year and how shitty that would be for him to have to start over and make new friends. And he's most likely going to CSULB when he graduates so imagine the commute. Sheeesh.

In the end I guess it wasn't much of a decision. It's obvious that I'll have to take little bro under my wing again, but I don't mind. He's a good kid and he's older now than the last time I had to take care of him so it should be easier if anything. And he so badly wants to get a job so I know he won't turn into some 25 year old freeloading pothead in the future hahaha.

Anyway, I'm rambling again so I guess just set your calenders for JUNE 2011. Come over to the LBC, spark a blunt and chill in MY beautiful apartment. Life's about to be sooooo good.

xx, loveLC

zumiez 100k

rehab

I have everything I could possibly want (except for a oreo cookie sundae for breakfast every morning). Anything I don't have, I'm making for myself. It's rare that I feel empty anymore and that's a great feeling.

I've learned the difference between compromise and sacrifice. One is essential, the other is insincere (it's up to you to figure out which is which).

xx, loveLC